What Does It Really Take to Be Just a Little Bit Chivalrous?

[Sir Edward]

What Does It Really Take to Be Just a Little Bit Chivalrous?
http://hypervocal.com/culture/2012/modern-chivalry-san-francisco-bus/

[Sir James A]

That's a good, short article. I'll gladly give up my seat on the metro or bus, but admittedly for self-serving reasons - I like to stand up and not hold onto a pole, and see if I can not fall over.

The point of the article is great, though. Little things like opening a door, holding an elevator, they all make a positive difference in somebody's day.

[Sir William]

Unfortunately, I cannot see it, but can get the gist from Sir James' post.  Little things are what I do throughout the course of a day...it used to take a conscious effort on my part when I was younger, but now it is as ingrained as clicking the alarm on my car as I walk away from it.  Without thought.

[Sir Brian]

Courtesy and consideration costs you virtually nothing but pays in exorbitant dividends. 

[Sir Gerard de Rodes]

Courtesy and consideration costs you virtually nothing but pays in exorbitant dividends. 

Here here
G.

[SirNathanQ]

Courtesy and consideration costs you virtually nothing but pays in exorbitant dividends. 

I think this just about sums it up 

[Sir Patrick]

+3

[Joshua Santana]

Courtesy and consideration costs you virtually nothing but pays in exorbitant dividends. 


I think this just about sums it up 

I agree, excellent read.  Being Chivalrous does not mean that you get the most attention for what you did.  It means doing what is right even when no one is watching or when no one is paying attention.  (Hint: no act of mercy or courtesy ever goes unrewarded)

[Cavaliere di Fiore]

I have an odd reaction to that article. I took public transportation regularly while I lived in Reno, Nevada. People were not generally courteous, but that included the elderly. I have given up my seat many a time to ladies, to elderly men and women, to pregnant women, etc,  but I have been hated before despite my attempts at courtesy. Let me give you an example.

A man of probably sixty who I had seen several times walking around the city (this is Reno, remember, very small) walked onto the nearly empty bus while I was sitting near the front in the reserved seating, as I am wont to do when no one required it. The man, I knew, was in perfectly good physical shape, and in fact tended to stand on the bus rides rather then sit, so I thought nothing of my place in the seat when he strode onto the bus. As soon as he saw me there he finished his conversation with the bus driver and looked upon me with apparent disgust. He said "Well are you going to move? This is reserved for the elderly." In a very loud and rude way. I said plainly that "I didn't realize you wanted to sit," and moved. From then on the man looked at me with a rude look whenever I would get onto the bus with him. So apparently, even though I moved, he still hated me, or at least regarded me with dissatisfaction.

Me being the person that I am, I did not stop giving seats to people because of this rude man, but I can imagine that plenty of others who had witnessed this had thought "Why should I help a person like this?" Or they have similar situations which they have encountered that deterred them from being chivalrous.

I think the problem is, then, less a lack of chivalry, but an excess of entitlement. People that think that they deserve chivalry act rudely to those who do not show them it, and they create a negative precedent for the use of chivalry for those who would be chivalrous.

We grew up looking at chivalry in (I suppose) the proper way. That is we believe being chivalrous is its own reward. Most people were not raised like us, though, and perhaps think a thank you or a little recognition should follow. When they do not receive this recognition after repeated attempts they give up on trying it at all.

Thoughts?

[Sir William]

I do know elderly people who evince that same sentiment of entitlement- and rightfully so.  Those seats are reserved for them for a reason...I get that sitting in them is of little consequence if no one else is, but if there is one...much like handicapped parking.  You, I and everyone else knows that you shouldn't park there unless you're in fact handicapped, just like we all know that many park there who are not, but either have a bogus sticker, or simply do not care enough to try and park somewhere else.

In any case, the handicapped seating is not for the likes of you and I...I'd even hazard to say that the old man indulged in the conversation with the bus driver, not only because he was familiar with him, but to give you time to have the good grace to vacate said seating for one of those for which it was designated for.

[Sir Brian]

Well why did you move? Was the seat you were occupying the only reserved seat? If not then it would have been perfectly acceptable to point out the rudeness of the elderly man who was apparently doing a bit of showboating. If the seat was the only reserved seat then you did what was courteous by relinquishing it, despite what the old man’s reaction was, you should be courteous for the sake of your honor and less so for the praise of the recipients of your courtesy. Courtesy is actually an entitlement that everyone should be extended but it is more of an extension of a knight’s largesse than compensation for the recipient's merits. 

[Sir James A]

Well why did you move? Was the seat you were occupying the only reserved seat?

Exactly what I'm wondering too

[Sir Edward]

Well why did you move? Was the seat you were occupying the only reserved seat?

Exactly what I'm wondering too

Yeah, it's a tough call. There's the part of me that doesn't want someone else's behavior to control how courteous I will be. And yet, I feel once they've disrespected me and started demanding a certain level of treatment, they've lost their opportunity to get that treatment from me. I won't be rude, but I won't necessarily give them any positive consideration either.

[Cavaliere di Fiore]

Well why did you move?

Because as much as he was rude that didn't change the fact that I was in a seat that, once an elderly person was on the bus, was for them.

And the comparison to a handicapped parking space is not equitable in this case. It is always illegal to park in a handicapped space when you do not have a placard, whereas it is not always "against the rules" to sit in those seats. They are an "if, then" kind of situation, though that may be different for your transit system.

I feel the same way, Sir Edward. It felt as though I was giving up, but once again the rules said one thing and my sense of propriety said another.

I think that may be another part of chivalry, conceding when one knows they are perhaps not in the wrong, but certainly not in a position to argue. In this instance I do not believe I would have been wrong to deny him the seat considering the attitude which he conveyed, but I would have been breaking the rules of the transit to do so.

[Sir William]

That's a good point...still, he's an old man, not likely to offer much in the way of resistance had you not gotten up.  For my part, I would've gotten up anyway...despite the rudeness.  I have had cause to learn that it is less about the situation and more about what's going on internally.  Still no excuse for rudeness, though.