Life. (be prepared for reading)

[Ian]

I was like overwhelmed, I liked it though I was a bit shy. They loved my sword too I showed them it and they were all wow this is a cool sword. Good ice breaker for talking to girls seriously. Just wish I could overcome my shyness and social awkwardness when talking to women. Not really used to talking to women in person, only online.

It's always awkward to be out of your comfort zone, but the more you put yourself there, the less awkward it will be and the more comfortable you will become over time.  The hardest part is forcing yourself outside of the social anxiety box.  Don't put pressure on yourself.  You don't have to impress the first girl you talk to, just keep talking to more girls and you'll eventually find one you click with.  The conversation part becomes easier as you do it more.  Keep using the armor for now as the icebreaker, and talk about what you like!  In this case, talk about the armor itself, it's uses, medieval stuff... then once you get beyond that, you'll find yourself talking about completely unrelated things and you'll look back at the conversation and be like, holy $h%t! that didn't feel awkward at all!

[Sir Brian]

Huzzah for you and good advice all around from your brethren Ulrich. Just remember to be gracious and courteous as that will help substantiate the impression the ladies are expecting you to fulfill as the embodiment of their expectations of a 'knight in shining armor'. 

[SirNathanQ]

Amen Sir Brian, Amen!

Ian's got the right idea with this. That's stellar advice to use when you need a "plan" to stick to when talking to women.

Congrats Ulrich, keep it up. Really, practice makes perfect. The more ladies you talk to, the better you'll be at it (and also the more you will get to know and meet) 

[Sir Edward]

Yep, I agree.

This is all general advice of course, not aimed at any particular one of you guys. But something I'd like to point out also is to keep in mind that when you're young and "on the prowl", it's natural to go out with different girls and take some time getting to know yourself as well as them. So don't take it harshly if it doesn't work out with any one particular girl. It's a learning opportunity, not just about your own wants/needs, but also about relationships in general, and about what sorts of personality traits you mesh with and which ones you don't. Sometimes it will surprise you.

I suggest being patient with it as best you can. If you can put aside any sense of immediacy, it'll serve you better. We're all pretty well trained by today's instant-gratification society that anything we desire should be nothing more than a mouse-click away. But relationships don't work that way. So don't let it get you down if things seem to move too slowly. If you can be calm, cool, and patient, it'll all pay off.

[Sir William]

...keep in mind that when you're young and "on the prowl", it's natural to go out with different girls and take some time getting to know yourself as well as them. So don't take it harshly if it doesn't work out with any one particular girl. It's a learning opportunity, not just about your own wants/needs, but also about relationships in general, and about what sorts of personality traits you mesh with and which ones you don't. Sometimes it will surprise you.

This.  If you take nothing else away from all of our advice, keep this close to heart and you won't ever go too far wrong.  Unless you pick a crazy, but that's another topic for another day. 

[SirNathanQ]

Sir William, now THERE'S a good topic idea. Let's start a thread about insane girlfreinds! 

Not really, but that's a beutiful peice of advice Sir Ed has put to keyboard. Always be patient, if you want a good longstanding relationship 

[Sir William]

One other thing- don't be in a hurry to be in a long-term relationship.  You're young, times and people change...what you like now in a woman may not be the same thing in ten years, beside the obvious stuff. 

I'll give you an example.  I've been married twice...the first time, I met her when I was 19 but she was dating someone else; we met again and decided to just hook up.  That hookup turned into something else entirely- and beyond the sexual aspect, it wasn't anything good.  Naturally we parted ways...I have two great daughters (now aged 21 and 18) but a whole host of bad feelings and such because of it.  Wasn't always like that, but when one is done and the other isn't...it can and usually does cause emotional issues.  With that said, I met my current wife 8 years ago, and I was at a place in my life where I just assumed I'd be a perpetual bachelor for the rest of my life and had decided that if I was going to resign myself to such, I was going out with a bang- that meant that I intended to sleep with as many different women as possible before settling down for a monogamous, if not necessarily rewarding relationship.  Then I met my wife and something in me clicked.  All thoughts of razing the countryside as it were went right out of my head and intentions...do you know within months of dating her I'd contacted every hangers-on I kept in the pocket for whatever reason to let them know it wasn't ever going to occur again?  A huge deal, that.  Never looked back, zero regrets- but I was 30 when we met and had done a lot of living and maturing over the years.  I wanted to be the best man I could for this woman and while it is no easy task to go against your baser instincts, it is a GOOD and PROPER thing when you have the right person for whom you want to better yourself for.

I'm going to borrow a line from a movie that Jack Nicholson uttered:  she made me want to be a better man.  For me, inside and out.  I'm nowhere near perfect, I'm still an asshole at times...but I'm a kinder, gentler one- and all because she inspires me to do so.  It may be different for you, but when you meet that One who sparks a fire in you, you'll know...it won't be just a passing fancy, it won't be as two ships passing in the night, the flick of a lighter...it'll be a flame, a conflagration, an inferno of...of...well, I won't call it love, but you'll feel it, it won't be something you could ignore.  Or ever likely forget.

Do you know how I knew?  When I realized that how she felt meant more to me than how I felt...I never knew that before, to really put someone else before you, not because you have to, not because of obligation, but simply because you wanted to, it felt right to do so.  I wish you well, Leganoth, in your search...and hope that you find what I and some of our brethren here already have.  A partner in life, one worthy of your time, love and attention- as much as you are worthy of hers.

[Sir Edward]

Do you know how I knew?  When I realized that how she felt meant more to me than how I felt...I never knew that before, to really put someone else before you, not because you have to, not because of obligation, but simply because you wanted to, it felt right to do so.  I wish you well, Leganoth, in your search...and hope that you find what I and some of our brethren here already have.  A partner in life, one worthy of your time, love and attention- as much as you are worthy of hers.

That right there; that's what it's all about.

[Sir Ulrich]

Well that girl from Germany returned and finally is talking to me again, apparently she didnt know valentines day I was asking her out and she got all confused. Considering she suffers from a disability and isnt exactly the brightest bulb I dunno what to believe. I dont know if I even love her anymore as I being screwed over many times by females in the past, tend to be bitter and pessimistic about women and relationships in general. She said she felt horrible for making me sad and depressed and my friend said she felt like cutting herself over it being the emo she is. She said the main reason was her mom threatening her is why she stopped talking to me, I dont know what to believe but thats a red flag for me, shows disloyalty IMO. I am not exactly chivalrous towards women either being taken advantage of in the past (with a girl who strung me along) and manipulated I adopt a "I couldnt care less" attitude and basically am an online wencher, i'd prolly be an IRL wencher too if I knew women in person. Thats just how most of youth work these days especially if you're non religious like me and only seek out non religious women.

[Lord Dane]

Not to be vendictive or spiteful but maybe you should seek out someone new for yourself .... like her "sister" or "best friend" & see how that works for her. LOL Although, this is not the knight in me talking you understand (maybe the mead). **hiccup**

[SirNathanQ]

See about seeking someone IRL. Go to renn faires in armour, go places, meet with people, ect. You'd be surprised how much more satisfying a real life relationship is then talking through facebook chat.

Also, don't demand loyalty from someone. Demanding loyalty is one of the surest ways to not receive it.
Also, we've all been screwed over at some point by a girl in a relationship. It happens. Don't get the idea that you need to make all women pay for the sins of a few. Not all women are like that, and trust me, the ones that aren't HATE that type of behavior (just like how we hate the behavior of guys who cheat on or abuse women).

[Sir Edward]

The thing with loyalty is that it has to be earned. Girls have no reason to be loyal to you if you haven't been committed to each other already, and even then you have no "right" to her loyalty. It has to be freely given, or it means nothing. By demanding it, you set yourself up for failure.

[Sir James A]

The thing with loyalty is that it has to be earned. Girls have no reason to be loyal to you if you haven't been committed to each other already, and even then you have no "right" to her loyalty. It has to be freely given, or it means nothing. By demanding it, you set yourself up for failure.

Exactly!

Acting unchivalrous towards women from the beginning is a rather sure way to end up with a world of troubles. Regarding the one you were talking to, if you can't trust her, walk away. And if she's depressed and wanting to cut herself, honestly, she sounds like a train wreck and I can't see any possible way things would work. However, if she truly didn't know you were asking her out, then you're probably being too passive or too mysterious - spell it out. "Would you like to go on a date on Feb 14th?". That's all it takes. There's no reason you should have trust issues that early unless something is wrong - but with all due respect, it sounds like you're setting yourself up for failure every time, from multiple angles.

As Sir Nathan said, get out there and actually meet someone in the "real world". Internet relationships won't help, and in most cases, considerably hinder the ability to have a normal and functional relationship in real life when the opportunity comes. Being a "wencher" is one of the top ways to never have a good relationship, and have more drama in your life (and STDs) than a 90s soap opera.

Just some friendly advice from someone who has been through rocky relationship roads before finding happiness....

[Sir William]

I am not exactly chivalrous towards women either being taken advantage of in the past (with a girl who strung me along) and manipulated I adopt a "I couldnt care less" attitude and basically am an online wencher, i'd prolly be an IRL wencher too if I knew women in person. Thats just how most of youth work these days especially if you're non religious like me and only seek out non religious women.

Let us focus on that first sentence.  Unless you've missed everything we have all suggested to Leganoth then you must know that being chivalrous toward women isn't a minor suggestion, but a path to a successful relationship.  A woman likes to be made much of, especially if it is deserved, or even if they just think it is- as nervous and unsure as you may be when first speaking to a woman, so it is for her as well.  They can be, at times, inscrutable creatures, but as men, so can we be.  That first impression will stay with them, so it behooves you to rise to the occasion- or not.

When you are walking, riding or driving...which direction do you normally look?  Ahead of you, or behind?  It is much the same way with life...spend too much time looking behind you and you will miss what's going on in front of you- like meeting that One I spoke of earlier.  You can't possibly meet her if you're still immured in the past, sulking over previous slights, real or imagined, can you?  No, you can't.  Or rather, you may meet her, but being so caught up in what others have done to you in the past, you'll not even realize what you just missed until its too late.  You want to talk about being depressed?  That'll do it.

It is your life to do with it as you will, but realize this- should you ultimately fail at relationships, which you will- especially if you hold all women in contempt for the actions of a few, you will have no one to blame but yourself.  How you react to a given situation is yours, and yours alone to dictate.  You cannot lay blame on another for how you react to a given situation.  "She" can't make you angry or sad, you allow her actions to evoke such within you.  You control yourself, your actions if not your emotions...be the master of your domain.  The alternative is lonely, depressing and nothing worth spending a lot of time thinking about.
They have as much to lose as you do, and quite likely have issues with what's happened to them in the past...do you think it wise, or fair that they should saddle you with the transgressions of the ones who came before you?  I should think not.  Same goes for you.  Think on it, young man.

[Sir Ulrich]

Well my main issue is a lot of women these days (especially where I live) take advantage of "nice guys" and then end up dating the "jerks" and then being outright hurt and rejected the "nice guys" become jerks and it makes the cycle repeats. I am never usually a jerk to women but if I see them starting to try to manipulate or take advantage or control me something goes off in my head to say "get out of this now" and I leave them. I dont want to repeat the same mistake twice and go through the pain of it yet again. Last thing I want is to end up pathetically attached to someone who is only going to use me which happened YEARS ago but it was the worst pain I ever experienced in my lifetime. I do know not all women do that but my luck seems to be bad, maybe it's just that I talk to the wrong people. Though to be honest I would absolutely love to have someone I could keep close it seems in this day and age every relationship is disposable especially for people my own age and "social group". So basically what I have been seeking is what I cannot get so in turn I adapted by being like everyone else and just having fun.

I usually try to look forward in life, several years ago I was a different person than I am now and I basically totally outright changed myself on purpose so I would no longer be "stuck in the past. I actually have a friend who is STUCK on beating himself up over his past mistakes and he's depressed every single day and does nothing but complain about his mistakes on a DAILY basis and does nothing to change things. I took that as my key to stop harping on the past but I do try to learn from my mistakes as thats something I usually have trouble with at some issues.

I am currently trying to put it behind us and that those issues were bad but she's at least came back to talking to me feeling terrible for what happened. I still care about her despite what happened as I always expect the worst to avoid disappointment.  I dunno about anyone here but I only date online cause finding people of the subcultures I am a part of is a relative impossibility at the moment due to my geographic location. I only ever meet like-minded people at conventions or faires and rarely in the outside world. Also women are a relative rarity in the subcultures I am a part of and if I wasn't part of these subcultures finding a girl would be 100% easier. I don't want a "normal" girl they just dont appeal to me much.