ModernChivalry.org
Miscellaneous => The Sallyport => Topic started by: Thorsteinn on 2012-09-18, 20:03:08
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See below edit.
Part #1:
Earlier this week I accidentally fell for a woman whom I was helping out with something that I would love to give detail on but can't just yet.
I was just being me, expressing what I thought of her situation and what I thought of her, being knightly. You know, normal. I started to feel more than friendly towards her. Then I discovered Facebook has a vid call option so I used it. That was a wonderful mistake to make. We talked, she smiled, and I was lost. She has won me. Whats better? She thinks 'she' is out of 'my' league, but believes me when I tell her that's just not true, and was amazed I felt the same way about her.
Part #2:
I went to my friends home where she is a live in caregiver on Sunday to help her out with a minor errand to find her drunk and a bit abusive (she hit me hard in anger). She is a recovering alcoholic and has really fallen off the wagon. She had also promised me to stop drinking and knew my help was conditioned on her sobriety. We had a big fight where I yelled at her for breaking her word and she accused me of trying to starve her Aunt to death. I left after that. Her family contacted me and asked for the story (they have met me before and genuinely like me). We chatted back and forth and the result was that my friend was kicked out of her rent-free home for breaking her word. She tried to apologize to me but I told her to contact me after she has been sober for a few years.
Conclusion:
Within the last week by just being me, by just being Knightly I have:
#1) Lost a friend I didn't need. An abusive, passive-aggressive, advantage taking drunk.
#2) Gained the love and affection of a wonderful woman. A beautiful college grad, RPG-loving, nerdy, strong, intelligent woman.
Therefore acting correct gives you good people in your life and takes out the bad.
Attached pic is my girlfriend from a modeling shoot earlier this year.
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Huzzah! It sounds like it's been quite an adventurous week for you. I'm glad that acting rightly has worked out properly.
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Huzzah and congratulations. Sometimes you are only left with the self-satisfaction of having a clear conscious and keeping your honor intact and when you have that and end up with the girl it is the icing on the cake! :)
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EDIT: Part 1 & Part 2 are about very different women. They also live in different towns. Totally different leagues too: My former friend is playing tee-ball, while my Girlfriend is pitching for the majors.
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Posted above after some confusion on the Armour Archive about whether these stories were about the same woman.
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Good clarification. I figured that out before I finished reading, but at first thought they were the same.
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Glad things worked out well for you!
No loss at all in "losing" the abusive, passive-aggressive, advantage-taking drunk - you've gained by removing them from your life, until such time that they're able to act in a way that isn't self-destructive and harmful towards you.
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Congratulations...life's much better when you have someone worthwhile to share it with, no?
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Went 'over the hill' to Sacramento to her place last night and got back today.
We talked a lot, we did other things more. She asked what she did to deserve me, I told her she smiled. :)
Knightlyness: 3 Inequity: 0
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I wrote this same story on the Armour Archive. The difference seems to be that, by and large, everyone here got the point of "Honorable deeds/thoughts/ways are hard but there are rewards that make it worthwhile" and a few there didn't.
Thanks for being awesome. :)
Sometimes it's hard for me to communicate what I need to via a written medium.
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For what it's worth, I understood perfectly. :)
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Same here...depends on where you posted it on that forum and of course, who responded. I see they have certain biases towards you because you speak your mind when you feel the need to, despite however many trying to shout you down. I admire that...it has been my experience that most will fold under that sort of onslaught, but not you. Your detractors would mark that as something to hold against you, but we do not.
There's also this to consider: not everyone has had the pleasure of knowing such happiness- even if it does not last, you did get to experience it. Those that have not, can never truly understand it - oh they might think they got it on an intellectual level but that's like saying you read a great book but didn't 'experience' it because imagination only goes so far when it has nothing on which to draw from.
Nothing like it in the world, is there? I lucked out...I ended up marrying the woman who showed me what real love could be like. It was a no-brainer for me...like that line in Knight & Day (Tom Cruise/Cameron Diaz actioner):
Knight and day (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pBFHrTfoe0#)
with me without me (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yBTVQdGMjU#ws)
WITH her. :)
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... I see they have certain biases towards you because you speak your mind when you feel the need to, despite however many trying to shout you down. I admire that...it has been my experience that most will fold under that sort of onslaught, but not you. Your detractors would mark that as something to hold against you, but we do not....
I have been trying to think of how to respond to that, for it is a great compliment and many have told me that they respect that in me (including a certain lovely lady), but all I could come up with is:
Thank you. It really means a lot. It's not a purposeful thing but a natural reaction. It's part of my core to try to be stubborn and fight for what I think is right.
Again, thank you. :)
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You're welcome. I'm surrounded by politically-correct sycophants who think there is no higher calling than what they consider to be the epitome of their field...but they're all cowards as far as I'm concerned because not a one of them will speak their mind, they only speak what they think their superiors want to hear. Not all of them, mind you...but there is this silent undercurrent of fear that drives me nuts. It is one of the reasons why I'll never get promoted...and that doesn't bother me all that much. What I'd have to give up in order to advance is more than my pride or sense of self can take.
The road you must trod because of your unwillingness to bend to conformity will seem harder, may actually be harder, than most...but I think it'll also be one that you'll take proudly and will be able to look yourself in the eye in the mirror and be pleased with what you see.
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It didn't work out. She wasn't ready for a new & serious relationship, but she didn't want to leave. She wasn't prepared for how she would feel and all the issues that would bring up. I think she still loves me, "the lady doth protest too much" when it comes to anything that makes it seem, in anyway, like we are still together. I know she cares, our last night made that clear, with the biggest and most passionate fight coming after I told her I would walk away because she needed me to (though she says it was she who left, that she had wanted to for weeks, I just finally 'listened') and the ensuing mutual big cry and hug after. ("Leave my house now!", an hour later after following me outside to continue the fight, "Come inside & sleep, if you die going over Donner Pass I will feel awful", an hour later "Come stay with me in my bed till I fall asleep, but no funny stuff", the next morning "I have to go but if you want to spend a few more hours on the couch sleeping that's fine")
All I can do now is leave her be. Get better, hope for the future, and never let myself forget that I love her.
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I'm really sorry to hear this. But not everything works out or lasts. But then again, if you still care about each other, that may mean there's still a chance for the future.
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I love her, & I have faith she loves me. Her actions, her words (especially the unguarded ones), have not been of someone whom doesn't care.
If she really wanted me gone why then didn't she let me leave?
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I'm really sorry to hear this. But not everything works out or lasts. But then again, if you still care about each other, that may mean there's still a chance for the future.
Agreed. You left, she left, it's just semantics, together or apart is all that really matters. And if she doesn't want a serious relationship right now, don't try to force her. Maybe you and her can still be friends - and see where that goes, even if it's nowhere.
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Sometimes this can be a good thing, especially if you end up with a lifelong, mutual friendship. I know it probably hurts now...may be that way for a while, but life still needs to be lived, you know what I mean?
Stay in touch- you love her, you still care, why not stay in her life, at least for now, as her friend. Everyone needs those, life's a lot harder without them. Who knows, she may wake up tomorrow and realize the mistake she's made- whatever you do, don't hold it against her. Everyone's different, we don't all approach situations exactly the same so be understanding, be available...just be her friend. It seems that is what she wants at this juncture.
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I'm so different than anyone she's dated before (she told me I'm too trusting). I think the fact that I'm a good guy, but still had the capacity when emotionally hurt to be mean, vile, & cruel threw her a bit. We talked tonight via Skype about it. I apologized for what I said & did and I will every time she brings it up till she can forgive me. She told me she is evil & bad. I told her that she is otherwise and that I accepted her for all she was and was not. Dunno. It feels like... like it's not settled between us, like we are in a place to pause & reflect.
And yes, I've entered into weekly counseling sessions.
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We've begun to make up. To patch up our.... whatever it is we have. We used powerful words like Family, Home, Love, and Forgiveness.
We matter to each other in way's we don't fully understand. When I mentioned that the first time we met she had told me I "felt like home" to her she said it was as true then as now, and then she said "I've not had a connection like I did with you before I met you or after".
She's with someone else now, I hope he can make her happy, and if not I will hold her till the tears dry.
I'm just glad she's back. Sometimes people come into your life. People that, without them, you are not whole.
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Life is crazy sometimes, you never know what twists and turns you'll encounter along the way. Sounds like you have exactly the right attitude about it.