My "defining moment."
Hmm, that is a hard one. I've always felt that regardless of the risk, the hardships, or the trials, the right path, is the ONLY path. And I've always tried to follow that path with my heart set in that direction.
However, in 2010, I lost my way. You see, I'm a veteran, as most of you now know, and as a veteran, Honorably discharged, medically, it's hard. I joined the US Coast Guard, for all the right reasons. My friends growing up, they chose their branches of service as well. All eight of us signed up, before 9/11. I was the last to take the oath, January 2002. I hurt my back in high school, and so they didn't feel I physically capable. I had to get a waiver to join. So while my friends deployed or were training to deploy, I went to college and got in the best shape I could for the trials ahead. We all joked about how I played trumpet, and how it was a good thing that I was joining the US Coast Guard so, in theory, I would last the longest and be able to have the honor of playing TAPS at their funerals.
I just never expected it to happen so soon.
I'm the only one left, lost my last friend of that group in 2010. Seven friends, seven flags, seven times playing TAPS. The seven of my friends, have all passed away, either in combat, or at home doing stupid things (as is sad a lot of veterans do).
Luckily one friend, I met in the US Navy Sea Cadets, is still doing fine as of exactly right now. He's a SEAL, and continually keeps our enemies awake at night. The only way I'll go to a high school reunion, is if he tells me he can make it for once.
Survivor's guilt, PTSD, all of it is not pretty. I lost another friend, a Coastie, in 2010 as well. Before I knew it, I needed my "friend" Jack and coke. Then only Jack. That slippery slope lead to me, facing my gun, contemplating the trigger pull. One of my friends, a Recon Marine, with 60% of his right leg a cadaver suture (which is EPICALLY cool btw what we can do now), saved my life, and got me the help I needed.
While in help. I met a man with dementia. When he met me, he was cognitant, and changed my life forever. He said, "Look, we all do what we can, how we can, when we can. No more, no less. You served, I served. WE are both brothers. Doesn't matter what branch, and I know you have more past than what you let on with "I'm just a puddle pirate" cover. We all give our 110. Right now, what is your 110? Not a year ago, not five years ago. What is it NOW? THAT is the best you can possibly be. And I'm proud to call you my brother." He shocked my world. He was one of the founders I found out of the SEALs back in WWII/Korea. You'd never meet a gentler soul, who constantly flirted with all the aids, nuns, and nurses that ever went by him.
So, I give my 110%. Right now, that's babysitting a two-year-old, probably the best anti-PTSD assistant I could ever hope for. Her mother, was knocked up by a POS, who wished for an abortion. I was the only one who helped her on her way. I was adopted. I just wanted her to keep the child to term. She kept Kira, got over the POS that cheated, drank, did drugs (thankfully after conceiving the half-pint!) and is scarily aggressive-possessive. She's my lady now, her and her mother
and now, I give 110% to both of them. Meg works full time, so therefore, I watch Kira, get my VA money, and we're content. We're not where we want to be, but we're ok.
It's the best I can do. My 110% right now, each and every day. My friends, sacrificed so that we, myself now included, don't have to. Now I live for them, and for half-pint and her mother. What defining moment drew me to knighthood and chivalry? I've had the honor of having plenty, and I've tried 110% most of them, and have continually strove to stay on the path.
And as Corvus said here:
There is no shame but indeed great honor in being the one to raise children at home. This is the 21st century; men do it all the time and I have too. Why should the ladies get all the fun?
Brother Acquinas, once told me, "when everything is as it should be, everything seems to be going your way, then you are on the path wished for you, regardless of how you may feel selfishly."
so I'd have to say right now, the most "defining moment" that I am still on the path, was right here on these forums. I'm honored to be here.
fair winds, and following seas
Pat USCG - ret
