The Battles of Pennsic 93
(A comment on current trends)
Frederick of Holland, Dux
August, AS 46 (2011)
Oh, Daddy tell me once again, how all this came to be,
The way we fight the battles now at Pennsic Ninety-three.
My son, it started long ago, I'm sorry to relate
Way back at Pennsic Thirty-nine, or maybe Thirty-eight.
It started in a Marshal's Court when we first heard the song
That chorus that says someone *else* is always in the wrong.
CHORUS:
"Light, Light, Light, Excessive" --
That's the whiner's song
"He's a cheat and she's a thug,
And I have done no wrong."
Light, Light, Light, Excessive --
Echoes loud the cry
"I've witnesses in Marshal's Court
So I need never die!"
The first loss was a man at arms, who, passing through a line
Struck a whiner on the helm which sent him down just fine
The whiner cried, "you were behind and struck me fo-ul-ly"
His witnesses all gathered round and with him did agree.
The Marshals passed their judgment: "Don't you bother coming back.
The witnesses all spoke as one, so chivalry you lack."
CHORUS
The next one was a brand-new Squire, adorned with belt so red
A whiner tried to slaughter him but was put down instead.
In court he said "I touched his helm, it must have been quite good."
His witnesses agreed with him; 'twas like a harp-seal clubbed.
The Marshals passed their judgement: "You disgraced your noble Knight;
Your skin's as thick as rhino-hide, now get out of our sight."
CHORUS
The next year was a triumph for the power of the whine,
For in the castle battle they took out a whole front line.
In Court they brought in witnesses, and all of them agreed
They'd been hit by a break-in charge made with excessive speed.
The Marshals passed their judgement: "You are banned forever more.
You took three and one quarter strides before you hit that door."
CHORUS
The Knights and Earls were taken down; a Duke was brought to stand,
He'd been a spearman in the back and hadn't hit a man.
But each and every witness said, "Since Dukes hit hard, of course,
We know that even when they miss, it's with excessive force!"
The Duke, dumfounded, said no word, 'cause what else could he do?
The Marshals said, "You've no defense; your fighting days are through."
CHORUS
The Courts grew longer in each year, as Knight and warrior fell
Each person needed witnesses to watch their actions well
The whiners always seemed to have whate'er a man might bring
Plus two or three or twenty-five in chorus for to sing.
And now at Pennsic Ninety-three, it's come to this excess,
There's only ten upon each side and a thousand witnesses.
(sing-ing)
CHORUS
"Light, Light, Light, Excessive" --
That's the whiner's song
"He's a cheat and she's a thug,
And I have done no wrong."
Light, Light, Light, Excessive --
Echoes loud the cry
"I've witnesses in Marshal's Court
So I need never die!"
