What Does It Really Take to Be Just a Little Bit Chivalrous?

[Sir Patrick]

Nobody's ever rude to me on the bus. Must be the helmet.

[Joshua Santana]

That's a good point...still, he's an old man, not likely to offer much in the way of resistance had you not gotten up.  For my part, I would've gotten up anyway...despite the rudeness.  I have had cause to learn that it is less about the situation and more about what's going on internally.  Still no excuse for rudeness, though.

Indeed.

[Sir Sorbus]

I have also experienced the wrath of an elderly tyrant on a bus. I was in the wrong in the first place, but her words and tone were very much uncalled for. I had had very little sleep, and was daydreaming. She walked over, and said "Are you disabled, are you?". Reading it as text, this may not sound very offensive, but I'm sure that with a bit of imagination you can come up with an appropriately rude tone of voice to make it sound somewhat comparable to how it really was. It was very tempting to say "Yes, I have a mental disability, as diagnosed by qualified experts, and recognised by the government, so suck it!", and I assure you that this is what ran through my mind even as I held my tongue and relinquished my seat. In hindsight, I'm glad I didn't. As well as being a matter of chivalrous principle, one never knows exactly what another has been through, and whilst her actions were uncalled for by the principles of chivalry themselves, it's near to the very definition of chivalry to give one and all the benefit of the doubt, and treat them accordingly.

I suppose what I just said really sums up just what it takes to be chivalrous: "Give one and all the benefit of the doubt, and treat them accordingly." This, in itself, costs nothing but a level of self-control that society demands of you in other ways anyway, so you might as well do it, right?

EDIT: Corrected spelling mistake

[Corvus]

A well written article.

I find it sad that so many were not acquainted with the most basic of manners when they were young, or if they were, they  seem to have purposely ditched them as they grew older.

When I was a very young fellow I had the good fortune to be tutored in the Way of the Gentleman by my father's mother, who was an elderly lady, born in the late Victorian era. By the time I was about 6 or 7 I had a good deal of the niceties nailed down and they have remained an integral part of me ever since. By the time I was ten I most certainly knew how to dress and groom myself to a standard greater than that of the average person, my diction was well developed, I could fit in with pretty much any class of people and I most certainly knew how to treat Elders and ladies.

To me, un-learning good manners is kind of like un-learning to signal before you turn in your vehicle. Oh wait! I have seen that signal bit many times so I guess it is indeed possible to ignorantly cast aside any good habit

In the city where I live I still get surprised looks from people when I hold a door open for them, allow them a place in a line-up or offer a seat on a bus. (Although I did get physically attacked once by an angry feminist for holding a door open for her - another story for another time  )

I have also, interestingly enough, had strange looks from other folk when they see me do something chivalrous for someone - as if offering your seat to an elderly lady is somehow a strange form of deviant behavior.

Of late I have noticed that many people tune out by using their MP3 player, mobile phone or other such device to pretend they don't see the woman laden with groceries trying to get into the elevator, or the elderly gentleman on the bus who would love to sit but is too proud to ask.

This is ignorant and shameful behavior, yet at the least there are people like us who will invariably set the better example...and hope that others learn from it.