Miscellaneous > The Sallyport
Life. (be prepared for reading)
Sir Ulrich:
I'm taking you guys didn't read what I said, she hasn't logged in since February and it's already April. I think confronting her over not signing in or even bothering to sign and actually talk to me is perfectly reasonable. I don't intend on being mean to her but I will let her know I am dissatisfied with this lack of contact. Sometimes people need to be nudged in the right direction honestly, it's what encourages people to change rather than just sit back and wait for her never to sign on again after accepting my valentines gift and talk about how she said she cared about me ect. Something is seriously fishy about it to me honestly.
Sir Brian:
But Ulrich she HAS already spoken volumes by not having any contact with you. - ala the silence treatment perhaps? Seeing that she is back online has she made any contact with you? Sent any kind of message or make any kind of post? - If not that is an answer within itself and I will reiterate she does not owe you anything therefore you are not entitled to any answers as to why she has not contacted you. IF she truly cared she would have made some kind of attempt to contact you or flood you with information and explanations why she was out of contact as soon as contact was reestablished. If that didn't occur and it seems that is the case then she perhaps didn't know how or want to deal with a confrontation with you OR something has occurred in her life which has changed her priorities and she does not want to involve you, in any case that is HER choice which you should respect.
I personally would be a bit cool and aloof towards her and wait to see if she initiates contact with you. If she doesn't then you know she no longer cares, never really cared or is fickle to ninth degree in which case you can move on with a clear conscience and be thankful you don't have to waste any more time and effort upon her.
However a word of caution: If she does contact you and plays it off that you are in the wrong for not trying harder to contact her or spent your time bemoaning the loss of contact with her then you need to dump her ASAP as she is a master manipulator which is the type that can destroy some men.
Sir Edward:
There's also something I've seen referred to as a "rubber band effect". If someone pulls away from you, imagine a rubber band connecting you. If you chase after her, the band stays slack, and she may continue to stay away. Stand firm, calmly, and the rubber band may tighten and bring her back.
If she doesn't come back, then let go. :)
Sometimes the desperate chasing of someone, or forcing a confrontation with them, is precisely what's keeping them away. Women can smell desperation on you, and they don't like it. By getting yourself all worked up, it gives her all of the power. If instead you can be cool, collected, and confident, (perhaps even aloof, depending), it will be a lot more attractive to them.
Sir Edward:
--- Quote from: Leganoth on 2012-03-29, 21:05:21 ---Stayed in a hospital for 2 weeks for depression and anger.
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Somehow I missed this part the first time I read it.
Depression is definitely a serious thing, one I'm well acquainted with. It will color everything, and change your perception of reality, without you being aware that it's doing so. One thing I really want to suggest is to not automatically go with your gut reaction to things, which much of the time will involve anger or sadness, or some other form of high anxiety. It'll take time to learn to think differently, but in the meantime it's best to think things through with your head, and try to be objective and see things from other people's points of view.
Depression has a way of making you selfish, inadvertently. It takes a lot of effort to see yourself through other people's eyes.
And what you often won't realize, is that a lot of the problems you see as being external (what the world is doing to you, how girls treat you, etc), often are actually coming from you. (I'm saying "you" in the general sense, as in "people with depression"). People treat you the way you expect to be treated, not how you want to be treated. If you show hints of anger and pain, even subtle ones, it will influence the way people treat you. On the other hand, if you smile and show a happy disposition all the time, people will respond to that as well.
In a way, pretending to be happy and not bothered by things is a great way to start (that whole "cool and aloof" thing). People will treat you better when you're presenting yourself more nicely to them. Over time, it'll become real.
Sir James A:
Very well said, Sir Brian and Sir Edward.
--- Quote from: Leganoth on 2012-04-01, 04:55:50 ---
--- Quote from: Sir Ulrich on 2012-04-01, 04:09:50 ---I found my GF's IRL facebook and she's been online recently on it. I am debating on confronting her by messaging her there and asking her why she hasnt been online in a whole month. It's really eating at me though, I feel like if I confront her she's gonna get mad at me for "stalking her".
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Who cares if she gets mad, in my opinion shes in no position to be mad, she didnt log onto anything to chat with you when she would so i would confront her, but thats just how i am i guess
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As I previously posted:
--- Quote from: James Anderson III on 2012-03-31, 20:16:43 ---If she is constantly choosing another to turn to for support and attention over you, that is her choice, and reflects upon her character; not yours. You can't force her to change, and you shouldn't try. Simply move on, and find someone better suited to a good relationship.
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