ModernChivalry.org
Miscellaneous => The Sallyport => Topic started by: Mustafah Ibn Melon on 2014-04-12, 13:17:14
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So seeing as I am engaged and the soon to be Khaleesi wants a child at some point, we made a deal that I would oversee his/her training. I had the idea to train them as a Spartan, able too stand up for themselves and be able to use their brain rather than just be a person of fighting reform. Any fathers out there able to give good advice on what I should do? I kind of want to keep tradition (seeing as my father comes from a spartan line), but I don't want it all to be one parrticular thing.
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I think this is a great idea. But, since I'm not a dad, I don't have any experiences to share.
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As a non-parent, I would say let them grow up a bit on their own, and choose their own path; whether it is roman, samurai, viking, knight or mixed martial arts. Then support and encourage them. Again, non-parent though. :)
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As a parent of two young children that are 7 and 9 I can tell you that you’ll make mistakes. Repeatedly.
Let them happen.
Learn from them, do not dwell on them, and move on.
Watch and learn from your children. Encourage activities they seem to enjoy even if they jump from baseball to football to archery to swimming to the recorder to dinosaurs to running at the blink of an eye. One of the hardest lessons I learned is that their attention span is insanely short. Stick with it, support them and they will find their own path.
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As a teen, I can tell you that you will most definitely argue with your child. The best thing to do is not be too stuborn and don't always let the child win. Negotiate. Say things like, "I understand what you are saying, but what I am saying...". Also it is ok to treat your child once in awhile, but do it to often and they become picky and spoiled. They will refuse to eat what is given to them and want what THEY want. Also be sure to read them lots of moral stories in youth. I'm not talking cow jumped over the moon, I'm talking things with lessons that the child will remember. I am no father but I figured you should get the child's point of view. Personally, do not expect most teens to act like me. I am not the average teen. But we are stuborn and usually think parents don't know what they are talking about. Again, be flexible. Just to put in there, children are like any other animal, if you aren't around and make us independent, we will remain independent and not as attached to the parents. Most teens think themselves depressed but a low testosterone level will also cause depression so keep em active and in the sun! Before I forget, keep your kid away from rated M games and R movies, or they will be rotten. If you ever have questions about the mind set of a child ask me, I am 16 and I may not act like most teens, but I do know em and recognize how I react to my parents.
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As a parent of two young children that are 7 and 9 I can tell you that you’ll make mistakes. Repeatedly.
Let them happen.
Learn from them, do not dwell on them, and move on.
Watch and learn from your children. Encourage activities they seem to enjoy even if they jump from baseball to football to archery to swimming to the recorder to dinosaurs to running at the blink of an eye. One of the hardest lessons I learned is that their attention span is insanely short. Stick with it, support them and they will find their own path.
+1
Don't try to pigeon hole your child in to what you think they should do, especially before you've even begun trying to have one. Remember, a plan never survives first contact with the enemy :)
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Don't blink. One day you are teaching them how to ride a bike without training wheels the next how to drive a manual transmission. There will be times when you are more anxious and concerned with providing material niceties for your family and thousands of other 'minor' things. Instead you should cherish each and every moment your child and family wants to spend with you because it passes by so fast. It is the greatest show in the world to watch and be part of raising the person you helped bring into this world so be sure not to miss a single second if it can be avoided.
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lol
lets see and write down what i do wrong and don't do it lol
just love them. teach them and train them in the way you think they should go. have patience and never react out of anger, well because if they mess up its prob really your fault for not doing your job right in the first place. i have 3: 9,6,3. ya and def don't blink cause they will be grown before you know it
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I raised two girls, now 23 and soon-to-be 20 and I can tell you this- even the best laid plans can go awry, especially when they begin making decisions for themselves. I kept it simple; love them, cherish them, support them and above all- do not be afraid to discipline them if the situation calls for it. DO NOT allow your child to grow up as one of these special snowflakes who have to get a ribbon simply for crossing the street. Teach them about values, about sacrifice and the satisfaction one gets from a job well done- the sense of achievement should not be ignored or belittled because someone else is unable to rise to that level.
Let them be themselves. If what you choose for them is not what they choose for themselves is by no means an indication of failure...if anything, it is an indication of success in that you've taught them to think for themselves, rather than blindingly following whatever ambition you've set for them. And don't forget what it was like to grow up- a lot of parents I know go in thinking that it'll be different because they are the parents and they'll be better at it than their own. While this may be true for some, even a lot, it isn't always the case and you'd be foolish to go into it thinking you've got all the answers. No one does.
Above all though...enjoy your children; they can be a constant source of joy. Until they hit puberty, anyways. lol
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As the father of 11 year-old twins, I concur with Sir William's advice. I would add that while you love and support them, ALWAYS be their FATHER not their FRIEND. I have a relative that went the friend route, and now his teenagers laugh when their "buddy" tries to discipline them. Follow through with discipline and always present a united front with your spouse/partner/whatever.
My other advice would be to not be afraid to let them fail. It will be hard, but it is necessary to instill responsibility, self-reliance, and discipline. A child who never fails developes a sense of entitlement. A man who can't accept responsibility for his failures, can never claim responsibility for his successes. He is swept along by the currents of chance and never makes his own way.
My 2 cents.
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As the father of 11 year-old twins, I concur with Sir William's advice. I would add that while you love and support them, ALWAYS be their FATHER not their FRIEND. I have a relative that went the friend route, and now his teenagers laugh when their "buddy" tries to discipline them. Follow through with discipline and always present a united front with your spouse/partner/whatever.
My other advice would be to not be afraid to let them fail. It will be hard, but it is necessary to instill responsibility, self-reliance, and discipline. A child who never fails developes a sense of entitlement. A man who can't accept responsibility for his failures, can never claim responsibility for his successes. He is swept along by the currents of chance and never makes his own way.
My 2 cents.
That is some EXCELLENT advice. My wife is a teacher at an elementary school, and she sees the results, all the time, of what happens when people don't follow this advice. Letting a kid grow up to be entitled and not self reliant not only short-changes the kid, but also makes this kid everyone else's problem.
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This thread is full of wisdom...I have found it very helpful and insightful....one day I hope to call myself your brothers...
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This thread is full of wisdom...I have found it very helpful and insightful....one day I hope to call myself your brothers...
:o ...But you are a Yeoman in the Order...We already ARE brothers!
...didn't you get that memo? ;)
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laugh with them, cry with them also.
after i had my first i became the biggest baby i knew. i can't watch sick kids on TV or nothing anymore. don't be afraid, your kids won't judge you lol
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Wow guys I am blown away by the amount of support coming from this thread! I really appreciate all the advice on the topic and will take it to heart. :D