ModernChivalry.org
Main => The Round Table => Topic started by: Sir James A on 2011-01-07, 23:39:44
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Sir Edward's thread (http://modernchivalry.org/forum/index.php/topic,843.0.html) got me thinking a bit.
I've always enjoyed knights and castles, and I was making castles from couch cushions and powder when I was tiny. I don't remember a time when I wasn't interested in them. As a child, it was more of the thrill of chasing dragons, rescuing maidens, defeating evil villains, and lots of other cliches. I didn't want to be a dwarf, or an elf, or a mage .. I wanted to be a warrior. A paladin. Sometimes, a cleric. But always the essence of a knight. As much fun as I still think that would be, there is a much more practical and realistic aspect of being a knight, especially to those whose interest comes later in life.
When I was in high school, some seniors were picking on a friend's brother, taking his lunch money at the bus stop and harassing him (he was in middle school). It was like a bad movie. We decided to ask them to stop (since we were seniors too), and so myself, my friend, and one more friend went to talk to them at the pool. The end result was that 8 people came to "talk" to us, during which I got distracted by a girl in a bikini at the community pool (I was 16, it happens ;)), assuming hey, there's 8 guys and lots of random witnesses, we're safe ... then out of the corner of my eye I saw my friend (5'0" and thin) get shoved.
I reacted instinctively by stepping in-between him and the guy that pushed him ... and 2 guys sucker punched me from the side. I don't remember anything past that, but my friend said that I managed to grab the chain link fence before I hit the ground, yank myself back up like a ninja, and that before I was upright again the kids yelled "Whoa! Run!" and took off. I ended up with 4 stitches in my lip (it tore in the corner), a nice bruise, a probably concussion ... and you could see the outline on my cheek from the ring where one of the guys hit me. Now, I have a decent pain tolerance (stupidity?), I ate McDonalds for dinner the day I had 3 wisdom teeth pulled ... but I "ate" through a straw for a few days after that. I've still got the scar.
I never heard about them bothering his brother again, though. At that point, I mentally stepped out of the shadows as the kid who got picked on all the time (which was reality), and into who I want to be ... someone defending the weak and waging war against the evil. When I look at, handle, or wear my armor, it's as if I can escape who I am, and become the person I wish I could be, even if just for a fleeting moment.
What was a defining moment in your life when you felt drawn to true knighthood and/or the chivalric ideals?
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I don't know if there's a single instance I can point to...I guess it started from reading; my Mom turned me on to King Arthur and Charlemagne by the time I was 10 and from that point on...
For me, it was always about standing up for the little guy (mostly because I was that little guy- until my senior year in high school, I stood at 5'2", grew to about 5'10" by graduation and hit 6' by the time I turned 18)...most times I was in over my head earlier in my high school career.
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What was my defining moment in my life that led me to where I am now? – An earnest pursuant of the chivalric code? I have not had one such moment, but a life time of choices. Sometimes I made the right choice and far too often I made the wrong choice. The truly defining moments for me was when I readily accepted the consequences of my wrong decisions without shying away from the sometimes heavy burden or punishment required as payment of those consequences.
As the youngest son of a large family I frequently fought with my brothers at the least provocation when they started on me and often times had them running away to the only safe location in the house – The bathroom as it had a lock on the door. It wasn’t uncommon for me to chase them in a murderous rage with a very large butcher knife. – Obviously I never caught them but I did leave the knife imbedded in the bathroom door on more than one occasion. With that kind of family “recreation” I understandably had no tolerance for bullies. In kinder garden a big kid wanted to bully everyone in class so I fought him and lost, i.e. he hit me a lot more than I hit him before recess ended.
The next day he was back looking to pick on someone else but I fought him again, doing a little better the second time. Each day he would come back and I would fight him until after about a week he was looking just as beat up as I was so eventually he got it through his thick skull that I was not going to be bullied or allow him to bully anyone else and we came to an uneasy truce where we would even play together. A few months later I moved away to the next town and didn’t see that kid until high school and he still hadn’t changed. He always gave me a wide berth but he tormented and bullied other kids.
I was at a party early in my junior year and he happened to be there. He was pretty obnoxious and really belligerent to the single mother of the two kids who was hosting the party. We got into each other again, mostly barking at each other and he threw down the gauntlet of “You want to go outside?” which was fine by me. We were in a slightly cluttered garage and had to walk past the door and then open it to go outside. Since I was leading the way I opened the door first and since he was following right on my heals I made a point of whipping the door open right into his face which promptly broke his nose. He pissed and moaned that I broke his nose and didn’t fight fair, etc. I yelled back at him something to the effect of “come outside and I’d give him a broken arm to go with it.” He didn’t want to play with me anymore and spent the rest of the night grumbling at me and being a minor nuisance. He wouldn’t shut up until he pestered that poor woman and her kids to give him a ride home. They asked me ride along with them “just in case”. The pacified bullied yapped a few times at me but shut up when I asked him if he was ready to continue with our fight.
I regret not all of my conflicts were as noble. Some still weigh upon my conscience because they were senseless or just mean and I wonder if I had inflicted any permanent damage (emotional or psychological as well physical). -i.e. One of those burdens I mentioned earlier. :-\
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It's hard to say. I remember in middle school, the concept of virtues vs vices was discussed in social studies, and it stuck with me. Sometime afterward, while still in that school, I started keeping the concept of a list of virtues in the back of my head, and started wearing an ankh pendant as a reminder to myself to be virtuous (and I still do, I'm on the third one now). I didn't attach the word Chivalry to it though.
During high school and college, I never really hammered out my list of virtues in any sort of detail, but really, it was chivalry all along and I just didn't know it. I tried working out a list a few times, would make some progress, and then do something else.
Back then I used to love games like D&D, but I was always more interested in wizards. :)
I've been collecting swords since I was about 13 (maybe 1986?), and started into armor around 1999. And now I've been taking swordsmanship lessons for 5+ years.
Then one day, in the summer of 2006, it hit me like a ton of bricks... I had been pursuing the knightly/chivalric thing all along.
And in 2007, I decided I needed to get more serious about making those kits look good, so I bought a new helm, made a new surcoat, etc. And that was the first year I started getting hammered with photo requests at faire. 2007 is also when I started collecting Albions, and decided that just a few nice swords would be much better than 40+ junky ones.
So a lot of it coalesced and evolved over the years. But 2006 had that sort of epiphany moment.
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I was on the periphery of the D&D world...got my feet wet but didn't follow it as fanatically as some of my compatriots. The stat-driven play just wasn't to my liking...I was still heavily into my comic books and the fantasy concept didn't grab me like I thought it would. For instance, I never felt any affinity with the Elven or Dwarven races in books like LOTR...they were entertaining and interesting, but I never wanted to be one. Don't get me wrong, I know Drizzt's a pure bad-ass but he was that way because he fought against his true nature in favor of furthering the human cause. I dug that.
I didn't really get into that world until I started playin the likes of Baldur's Gate (for the consoles), and then the second one, Dark Alliance, which was also very well-written and fun as hell to play.
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I don’t recall a specific moment in time or event that drew me into researching, emulating and practicing the chivalric arts. It was really more of a natural progression of sorts.
My story is very similar to so many others. My interest was first aroused in the late ‘70s or very early ‘80s by Basic D&D (the original old boxed set). I was content with playing D&D and AD&D through college. I was also a huge fan of Star Wars (the original three movies) which was simply a space age version of knights rescuing those in distress by fighting monsters, evil knights and a despot emperor. This, I believe, helped lay the groundwork for my future interests.
At some point 13+ years ago, a coworker invited me over to a practice session where they put on replica armour and beat on each other with rattan clubs. I was enthralled with the armour and action as I sat on the back porch. The leader of group walked up and said “Don’t just sit there, put on this loaner gear and give it a try.” Here was an activity that combined my interest in armour and knighthood with the physical contact I enjoyed so much in Division III football. I was immediately hooked and there was no turning back!
I was never completely satisfied with my first plastic armour-like protection and ill fitting great helm. Great time and energy was expended making steel components that (sort of) looked like those pictured in my growing library. Then Brian Price’s Techniques of Medieval Armour Reproduction fell into my hands. I was now able to create more accurate armour bits in less time with much less hassle. My kit was starting to come together.
I stumbled upon a web site called myArmoury in 2006 and registered. Unfortunately, having a dial-up connection in those days meant any internet activity proved to be very frustrating. It wasn’t until three years (and a DSL connection) later that I became active on that forum. My interest in all things medieval took off and I started to explore the many facets of medieval history and Chivalry all the while maintaining my involvement with same group of great friends in the SCA.
Chivalry is just one of the facets comprising medieval history that is hotly debated in the SCA today. A whole sub-forum of the Armour Archive is dedicated to his endeavor. The discussions that interest me the most include not only emulating the Chivalry of the past, but how to apply these principals to both my reenactment and, more importantly, everyday life.
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Chivalry is just one of the facets comprising medieval history that is hotly debated in the SCA today. A whole sub-forum of the Armour Archive is dedicated to his endeavor. The discussions that interest me the most include not only emulating the Chivalry of the past, but how to apply these principals to both my reenactment and, more importantly, everyday life.
I don't get on there often, but I occasionally like some of the discussions on the Chivalry sub-forum on the archive. Actually it's loosely tied to my wake-up back in 2006. We were getting ready to go to Pennsic for the first time, and I hadn't looked in on that forum for quite a while, so I popped in and read a variety of threads. One discussion was SCA knights comparing memories of their vigils and ceremonies, and it helped get the ball rolling in my head.
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AH! I cannot believe I missed this thread! Anyway, here goes.
I have ALWAYS had an interest in swords and armour. I have a picture which I call "Page Nathan" that my mum dug up. It is of me, about 11 years ago. In the picture I am wearing those plastic toy armour, and holding a sword and shield. Whenever I would go to a toy store, I would go immediately to that large plastic army depot that every toy store has and start swinging around the toy swords. Any sword flick, I was into.
So I would probably be doing this hobby (swords and armour) even if I never had the privilege to find chivalry.
The chivalry part started about 5 years ago. In 6th grade. I played sports, I had an older girlfriend, I had tons of buddies. By most "dude" standards, I should have been high as a kite. But I wasn't. I was looking for something else. I had always identified with knights and the like, but I hadn't really dived headfirst like nowadays. I found what was "more" in the code of chivalry. That's when I really made the transition from being "one of the guys" to (an attempt at) Knighthood.
It is also how I worship God. I am strongly Catholic, and after becoming interested in chivalry, I realized that it was almost a guide to practicing my faith every day. I worship god by emulating in every way those men who were most fervent to him as laymen. Those men, who took no vows, who had no obligation (unless you packed yourself off to a fighting order ;D) yet still were fervent as any martyr. Those knights, who died for God, lived his teachings, fought for him, and were obedient to his representatives. By becoming closer to what they are, I feel that I become closer to my God.
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That was well put, Sir Nathan...that your chivalry has ties to your faith will only serve to strengthen it (and you) as you go. Kudos.
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i don't know that i have a defining moment. i have always tried to live my life according to God and my faith. i have tried to always be a good friend and neighbor to others. i have always like the "toys" that go with knights and such. the chaotic good characters and barbarians have always had my mind for games and such, but i don't think i could really be one in real life. maybe I'm "too good" or a softy or something hehehe
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Different strokes for different folks, is all.
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I second Sir William, everyone has a different path, even if a few have intersected at the same place.
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While I've always thught of myself as a good guy, I really didn't step onto the chivalric path until my kids were born. Having kids really changes your worldview. I wanted to set a good example for them, and the more I worked at it, the more I came to understand it was the chivalric ideal I was trying to instill in them (and awakening within myself). As for matters of faith, I too have found the ideals of chivalry and spirituality to be so intertwined that one strengthens the other (of course maybe that was the point when the church introduced the code to keep a check on knightly violence) ;)
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My mom found the SCA in 1972 in Cleveland, then again in 1980 in Reno, NV. She started fighting in armour when I was 4 (1983), my stepdad was Knighted in the SCA West Kingdom when I was 11. I got into armour for the first time when I was 21.
I'm now 32. So... It's kinda been a "what else would you expect me to do?" kind of thing.
:)
-Ivan
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Well for me it had to do with some inspiration from a few movies I saw. Namely Excalibur and Arn the Knight Templar. Noticed I kinda had a few traits of the characters there. Inspired me a bit to be "knightly" towards people in many ways. Then in 2009 I met a bunch of people at ren faires who remembered me as a "humble socially awkward red haired boy" then they started to see that I was different and whatnot. Odd how they remember me despite myself only ever going to 2 faires before that. The fact they treated me with respect and accepted me when I have had a lot of hard time being accepted in society myself literally changed how I felt. I actually felt at home around these people and figured I finally found my place in the world. Later on I discovered that I was a descendant of the Normans, who were probably the first knights around, so it means it's in my blood essentially. Still I am only knightly towards those who respect me, I don't waist chivalry and love on ingrates.
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I know that this late, but I did have a defining moment of Knighthood.
I remember that I was formerly a kung fu and tai chi practitioner (and a crazy one at that!), but I didn't keep my priorities straight. This got me into trouble and a month's suspension from seeing teacher. During this time, I tried to train but I was slowly loosing it, I was loosing the will to train. I even was close to stepping into depression until I randomly decided to youtube chivalry. Surprisingly, I watched a video that discussed and answered the question 'What is Chivalry." I first thought that this was just a philosophical approach to the idea, but I was wrong. I was immediately drawn into the idea and did some research and even found my role model, mentor and new found friend Sir Karl Kindt via a news video that showcased him.
After some time, I then discovered that i always believed that being the gentleman was the way to live life, what i didn't know that being a gentleman (or the concept of being a gentleman) cane from the Virtues and Principles of Chivalry! This hit me like a thunderbolt, I always dreamed of being a Knight and I discovered that we inherently have that freedom, to live life as a quest.
Then on March 7, 2010 I swore myself and christened myself a Knight. The past year was hard yet rewarding, I now look back and see that the hard work of adapting myself and my behaviors to the Code of Chivalry was worth it. After passing my first Oath renewal, I have tasted the good chivalrous life. I used to be shy and secretive, but now I am confident in myself and have new courage to even tell a college classroom that "I am a Knight." This has and always will be the best decision of my life, even recently I have been changing my habits both at college, work and home. heck, when one of my co-workers was having an emotional breakdown, I just stopped what i was doing, ran to the bathroom, pulled up a couple of tissues, ran back and gave them to her. She thanked for me for it, even though I could have got into trouble for that , but my supervisor was impressed! If that is not Chivalry, then I don't know what is! (lol!)
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That is an excellent story, Sir Joshua. Well done.
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Hmmm... I've always had an interest in medieval history & knights. Hard to say when exactly I wanted to pursue that interest but I've always loved fantasy, epics, medieval lore, mythology & been an avid gamer most of my life. Plus, I've studied Japanese martial arts & swordfighting most of my life. Eventually, I became an instructor in both Aikido and weapons so my familiarity with swords and bo-staff kind of evolved into medieval pursuits. My love of Asian martial arts turned into one for Western martial arts & I studied all I could. Professionally, I am in law enforcement and became a weapons & tactical trainer so fighting forms/combat training and weapons are a natural part of 'knighthood'. I've always loved the lore of knights and history of the Crusader era. Born & raised Roman Catholic, it gave me more perspective & helped me gain an interest in biblical times, archaeology, and the mystique of the Crusader monastic orders as well as medieval lore. From that came more interest in my own family history, heraldry, etc.
However, I didn't really dive into my medieval passtime at ren-faires & knightly pursuits until meeting my wife in 2007. Since 2008, I've turned my medieval passtime into a passion & have done it ever since (w/ my wife). No regrets & look forward to much more involvement in it. However (as I get older), I am realizing that the notion of Chivalry & knighthood is more a concentration of how you live your life & measured by that same standard religiously. Making knighthood not just a passtime but a real part of who you are & strive to be as a person.
Self-improvement is all about learning from your mistakes, listening to others, and experiencing life through your own trials. Learning to accept your frailties, and stengthen your abilities is part of this process. Always strive to better yourself morally, mentally, and physically makes you live up to a more noble ideal and reflects the concepts of Chivalrous virtue. It's an ideal I would love to make happen in my life.
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I was brought up to be a gentleman, a Christian, and a scholar.
15 years old, and my best friend was a bit unstable. He was a good guy, very intelligent, and like me in so many ways that people thought we were brothers, and we let me, but he was too confident, arrogant, and attention seeking for his own good. I was calmer, and shyer. We rubbed off on each other. I kept him in line, and out of trouble, and he made me more adventurous and talkative.
But then he and I fell for the same girl, and whilst he were friends on the surface, he stopped trusting me underneath, and saw any advice I gave as a ploy to break them up, and claim her for myself. It wasn't. I wished them the best, even if I did love her, but he didn't believe me.
So, my controlling influence out of the way, he became very outgoing and troublemaking. I stayed friends with him, trying to bring it back to how we were, and he got in with a bad crowd simultaneously. As a result, my trying to look after him whilst he really didn't care about me anymore meant I ended up in a gang, and did some things that I am not proud of. Nothing illegal, I was very careful about that. But, oh, the road of good intentions.
He became extremely paranoid and over-protective of this girl. She is the type to need her own space, and couldn't take his suffocating of her, so she broke up with him, and he naturally blamed me, and finished going off the rails.
He dropped out of school, started getting deep into drugs and alcohol, ran away from home, and hung out with a bunch of less-than-desirable people. It was at this point that I painfully turned my back on him, and tried to undo the damage that looking after him had caused. With the guilt of thinking I had destroyed the life of my best friend under my belt, and weighing me down, I started searching for a way to redeem myself.
It took about a year to find new friends, but I eventually did, and together, we formed the Order of New Chivalry. We are doing all we can to restore knightly virtues and general chivalry to the world, and whilst we're off to a slow start, we're still strong, and have a lot left in us yet.
On the side note, the girl also went off the rails for a bit due to that, among other things, but both he and she are turning themselves around now, however slowly.
So yeah. That's my story, in a nutshell. I'm trying to make up for a past filled with good intentions and bad outcomes. I was brought up on chivalry as a young boy, but whilst good, I never really embraced it. Then I had a rough few years, and came back stronger than ever, if a little sore.
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I've found that sometimes people have to hit rock-bottom before they cab bounce back upward. That downward momentum can be difficult to stop, but there are opportunities to turn it around.
I'm glad to hear that everyone involved is improving, Sir Sorbus. I truly believe that one's past does not have to define who a person is, that you can reinvent yourself, and what you choose to do today matters more than what you chose to do in years past.
Forming an Order of chivalry is a wonderful way to improve the lives of everyone involved!
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Forming an Order of chivalry is a wonderful way to improve the lives of everyone involved!
Indeed Sir Edward.
I have posted here early but there is other moments of chivalry that is worth mentioning here.
I must remind that ever since March 7 of 2010, I have lived through a three year journey of constant improvement and at times falling down by mistakes only to learn and get back up afterwards.
I recall in early 2012, this was in the later part of my relationship with the dame (as seen on facebook). I remember that I was enjoying the relationship but yet I felt I was loosing myself to becoming something that I didn't recognize. I was becoming disrespectful to my parents and family. I was slowly turning back to my olde perfectionist habits. Upon this realization I decided to turn back to my Christian Faith and to following the Code of Chivalry.
When I began to practice my reclaiming of my beliefs, they were challenged by the dame. In addition I landed a new job and worked full time. This eliminated any chances of seeing her for a month. She never appreciated that nor my habit of following my parents' decisions (since I do not have the resources to leave their house). This was not the first time my beliefs were challenged. They were challenged in several classes and by several people.
Eventually I began to regain my chivalric self, but with a terrible price. Restoring and regaining my Honor with my God and Family. Trying to help a dame with some issues (will not be mentioned) as best I can, proved to be quite a moral dilemma.
This lead to a heated argument between me and her. Her argument was summed in "i should be my own individual with your family" or "You need to stop listening to your parents". I got mad and viewed it as her way of dissing me. In the end, I chose God and Family over my lats girlfriend. This was my way of living by Honor and my parents appreciated it greatly.
Another moment I recall is when I began to tell my fellow co-workers at my job about me living by the Code of Chivalry and showing pictures of me from NHSC. There was a waitress that I knew from High School and she invited me to a drink on my Birthday (I worked on my Birthday which was fun). However I told her that I don't drink. My reason is that relations in my Family (via my Father's side and Mother's side) died from alcoholism. My parents are the only two people to stop this drinking tradition. I heard my parents talk about this issue and they warned me not to drink. I made a promise to them to not drink because of their accounts of relatives and grand parents dying from drinking alcohol. I told this to my co-workers and they understood and respected my choice not to drink. I recall leaving my job with a feeling that said "well done".
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Well done indeed Joshua. I commend your resolve and courage to hold to your beliefs and your vows. If you cannot stand before the scrutinizing gaze of that man in your mirror than where can you stand? ;)
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Well done indeed Joshua. I commend your resolve and courage to hold to your beliefs and your vows. If you cannot stand before the scrutinizing gaze of that man in your mirror than where can you stand? ;)
Huzzah for Joshua!! Now while he stands for principle, I'm going to indulge in temptation by sitting down & enjoying several cold apple Hard-Ciders. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! :) Sir Brian, time to kick back at the tavern!!!
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I thank you Milord Dane and do enjoy your Cider while I drink the Wine of Wisdom. ;)
Well done indeed Joshua. I commend your resolve and courage to hold to your beliefs and your vows. If you cannot stand before the scrutinizing gaze of that man in your mirror than where can you stand?
My thanks to you Sir Brian, very true indeed.
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You know, just when I think I have read pretty much everything on this forum I discover something I missed earlier.
This is a very cool thread. If no one minds terribly I would like to add my own tale.
I have walked the road of the Warrior since I was very young. Even when I was small I was always playing at being the knight or the Viking or the western 'good guy' like Roy Rogers, the Lone Ranger or Zorro. I took up martial arts as a lad too, and made achievements for myself in Judo, Karate and Kung fu before I was very far into my teens.
I left home the first time when I was only 13. I lived in a tough neighborhood to begin with and my situation was made even tougher when I wandered into an area we call the Downtown East Side. This part of town is a veritable danger zone - full of gangsters, drug dealers, pimps, you name it they are there.
Anyway there I lived with a bunch of other young rascals for some time. Things could have gone pretty bad for me down there with all the bad influences and all, yet there was always something inside me that kept me from getting too mixed up in the petty crimes that a lot of my friends were doing. One night my fortunes changed when, as I was getting roughed up near Chinatown by two cops I was 'rescued' by two Chinese monks from a local monastery. They passed me on to a kindly gentleman who, although local people thought of him as a sorcerer, had spent a good number of years helping street youth. He gave me shelter and food and after awhile even helped me reconnect with my family and return home. I learned a lot from old Mr. Woo in a very short time and while I was with him he rekindled in me some of the gentlemanly ways I had been taught as a much younger lad.
So I credit Mr. Woo with being the first one to help me get a step up as a troubled youth. I went back to school and cleaned up my act considerably.
A few years later, as I was beginning to look into my dual heritage (I believe I mentioned that I am part Celt and part Native American in my intro) I made the acquaintance of some of my Native relations who I had never known before. One of these was my Grandfather from that side of the fence, so to speak. We got along famously and he took it upon himself to teach me all he could about the path he walked, which was that of the Warrior but also of the Medicine Man. It was through Grandpa that I really learned who and what I was and how to serve the balance in nature. In the short years I was granted with him, I learned so much that in retrospect it makes my head spin thinking about it. It was because of my Grandpa that I came to understand what it was to be a man and about what the sacred responsibilities of men are - to their fellow man and also to the sacred Earth. When I was around 20 I was prepared for and given my coming-of age ritual: 30 days in mountain wilderness with only a small backpack of supplies a knife and a blanket.
When I returned from my ordeal I was given a party and honored by my Grandpa and a good number of my other relations. I had been transformed from a boy into a man and more than that, I had become the Warrior I had always sought to be. My Grandfather encouraged me strongly to go back to school and so I did. I began attending college and would eventually, because of his confidence and encouragement, eventually find myself studying anthropology and psychology at the University of BC.
Time passed and one day my Grandpa asked for my presence at his home. When I arrived we went fishing and as we fished he told me that he had been diagnosed with a particularly nasty form of cancer... and that he had been told it was terminal.
My world came crashing down around my ears. Grandpa told me that he would never see the inside of a hospital - that he would never die in a hospital bed. He was a Warrior and would die like one.
Months later he did as he said and disappeared into the northern Canadian wilderness, walking his last ceremony, and was never seen again. To add to this tragedy, my blood-brother, Russell had been killed in an accident earlier that year and following my Grandfather's long walk my uncle Emmett who had been my Grandfather's best friend and bro for over sixty years also passed away.
I fell into a deep gloom and became very withdrawn at this loss. I wandered into the mountains at the beginning of winter thinking that I would simply allow myself to got to sleep in the snow somewhere and never wake up.
Yet it was during this time I experienced a powerful Vision as I sat in a cold camp above the snow line. It was my Grandfather directing me to not waste the gifts I had been given. He ordered me to bring honor to our ways and to get back down to the bottom of the mountain. He told me that I would find a new teacher waiting to help me further my learning.
So I did as I was told and returned to the trailhead. There I found a good friend of my Grandfather's waiting for me in his truck. I was astonished by this as I had told no one of my plans or where I was going.
My Grandfather's friend, Ari did as I had been foretold: He took me under his wing and helped me walk the next step in my journey and it was he who finally brought me into the Order that I serve today. I don't know if I would be the man I am today had it not been for him and the new road he showed me.
I guess the moral of the story is that the road of the Warrior is not easy: It is like hiking up a twisting, uphill trail with a heavy pack and obstacles blocking the way at every turn. There are many challenges and the way we respond to these will determine what kind of man we become in the end.
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I was always drawn to my families past, and enthralled by games like D&D and Elder scrolls. The real attraction to Chivalry came when I heard the story of my ancestors and how they lived. One particular ancestor stands out to me. A Man form my family once stood up for his queens honor, accusing her family of abusing her power due to her illness. the de facto regent stripped him of his title and sentenced him to death. rather than die like a dog he choose to challenge the regent to a duel, the regent of course used a stand in, a talented young warrior. He defeated the young knight and then fought of several men at arms before being cut down by crossbows. His sacrifice was the catalyst for the fall of the regents power after the Queen's death. The regent and his supporters ended up hanging.
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This fellow sounds like a truly valiant man, Tristin! A good role model indeed.
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I have one quote. I can't say I invented it, but it was used by my family for generations I don't know if they invented it.
"Live what you say you believe."
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Well, my defining moment came in 2006, although I have had an interest in Knights and the code all the way back to my childhood. In 2006, I lost my mom and had never really treated her like I should have growing up and I was upset that I had not had the chance to say goodbye or even try to change anything I had done in the past by becoming a great son and taking care of her and my Dad. That was the day that I vowed to follow the code no matter what happens in my life. There have been times that I have fallen off that path but some how my faith just keeps bringing me back. I had also found the SCA once again in 2001-2002 and was playing the game with some great people that taught me the code not only worked well within the SCA but you could bring to your everyday life.
In 2007, I lost another family member my step daughter, but for all intent and purposes my daughter. You was weak from past years of bad decisions, my wife and I stepped up and helped her try and get over where she had fallen too. So this is where my FAITH came into question, I thought to myself that "why would GOd take someone so young and getting back to where she needed to be" "why would he do it when she was at the tip of the hole she had dug herself into"...I turned to my Knight for answers and he discussed with me that it is not our job to question what was done but to find humility in it and become humbled because he gave her to you and that he used his power to bring her to where she was when she was taken.
Nowadays, I strive to live by the code in everything I do. I try to remain humble and not really boast about things but first and foremost help the weak, and stay true to my faith. I think that of all the virtues, FAITH is the one that I struggle with the most. I question mine on a daily basis and have not figured out how to just let myself go...
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LrdMurchadth, Corvus, Lord Tristin, amazing testimonials and this encourages me to go one everyday with Chivalry. Thank you and I also encourage you to continue to live with Knightly Honor and Courage.
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You are most welcome, Joshua. I was pleased to share my tale here
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My "defining moment."
Hmm, that is a hard one. I've always felt that regardless of the risk, the hardships, or the trials, the right path, is the ONLY path. And I've always tried to follow that path with my heart set in that direction.
However, in 2010, I lost my way. You see, I'm a veteran, as most of you now know, and as a veteran, Honorably discharged, medically, it's hard. I joined the US Coast Guard, for all the right reasons. My friends growing up, they chose their branches of service as well. All eight of us signed up, before 9/11. I was the last to take the oath, January 2002. I hurt my back in high school, and so they didn't feel I physically capable. I had to get a waiver to join. So while my friends deployed or were training to deploy, I went to college and got in the best shape I could for the trials ahead. We all joked about how I played trumpet, and how it was a good thing that I was joining the US Coast Guard so, in theory, I would last the longest and be able to have the honor of playing TAPS at their funerals.
I just never expected it to happen so soon.
I'm the only one left, lost my last friend of that group in 2010. Seven friends, seven flags, seven times playing TAPS. The seven of my friends, have all passed away, either in combat, or at home doing stupid things (as is sad a lot of veterans do).
Luckily one friend, I met in the US Navy Sea Cadets, is still doing fine as of exactly right now. He's a SEAL, and continually keeps our enemies awake at night. The only way I'll go to a high school reunion, is if he tells me he can make it for once.
Survivor's guilt, PTSD, all of it is not pretty. I lost another friend, a Coastie, in 2010 as well. Before I knew it, I needed my "friend" Jack and coke. Then only Jack. That slippery slope lead to me, facing my gun, contemplating the trigger pull. One of my friends, a Recon Marine, with 60% of his right leg a cadaver suture (which is EPICALLY cool btw what we can do now), saved my life, and got me the help I needed.
While in help. I met a man with dementia. When he met me, he was cognitant, and changed my life forever. He said, "Look, we all do what we can, how we can, when we can. No more, no less. You served, I served. WE are both brothers. Doesn't matter what branch, and I know you have more past than what you let on with "I'm just a puddle pirate" cover. We all give our 110. Right now, what is your 110? Not a year ago, not five years ago. What is it NOW? THAT is the best you can possibly be. And I'm proud to call you my brother." He shocked my world. He was one of the founders I found out of the SEALs back in WWII/Korea. You'd never meet a gentler soul, who constantly flirted with all the aids, nuns, and nurses that ever went by him.
So, I give my 110%. Right now, that's babysitting a two-year-old, probably the best anti-PTSD assistant I could ever hope for. Her mother, was knocked up by a POS, who wished for an abortion. I was the only one who helped her on her way. I was adopted. I just wanted her to keep the child to term. She kept Kira, got over the POS that cheated, drank, did drugs (thankfully after conceiving the half-pint!) and is scarily aggressive-possessive. She's my lady now, her and her mother ;) and now, I give 110% to both of them. Meg works full time, so therefore, I watch Kira, get my VA money, and we're content. We're not where we want to be, but we're ok.
It's the best I can do. My 110% right now, each and every day. My friends, sacrificed so that we, myself now included, don't have to. Now I live for them, and for half-pint and her mother. What defining moment drew me to knighthood and chivalry? I've had the honor of having plenty, and I've tried 110% most of them, and have continually strove to stay on the path.
And as Corvus said here:
There is no shame but indeed great honor in being the one to raise children at home. This is the 21st century; men do it all the time and I have too. Why should the ladies get all the fun? ;)
Brother Acquinas, once told me, "when everything is as it should be, everything seems to be going your way, then you are on the path wished for you, regardless of how you may feel selfishly."
so I'd have to say right now, the most "defining moment" that I am still on the path, was right here on these forums. I'm honored to be here.
fair winds, and following seas
Pat USCG - ret
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Thank you very much for your story. It just goes to show, that on the surface, you never really know what people have endured, or are enduring. Everyone has their demons, their past, and their current challenges. Sometimes hitting rock bottom is exactly what is needed in order to bounce back up, and find your way.
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Powerful words, Brother Patricius.
You honor us by sharing.
Strength comes in many forms and you display a deep strength indeed.
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Thank you both, so much. I think it's taken this long to finally start talking about all I've gone through. And luckily I have a couple friends (which a couple I can forever depend on, is better than however many on "book of faces") that I can trust to have really opened up to. And man, oh man, I know I rocked their worlds a bit. But they're still here. Who knows, maybe the "quack" was right and "in time, you'll be able to accept, talk, and then move on."
here's hoping the "move on" part is forthcoming.
YIS
B. Patricius
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Brother Patricius:
I have been through some brutal life changing times myself, including liquor at one stage too. I will say one thing though: In my experience, while other folks can be of great support and help, the guy who will ultimately help you the most will be the fella you see every morning in the mirror. Sounds to me (a person trained in counselling by the way) that you have made great inroads to being that friend to yourself.
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the guy who will ultimately help you the most will be the fella you see every morning in the mirror.
QFT. It's a hard lesson to learn, but the one who can make all the difference in your life is yourself. The world around us is all about what we perceive and what we do. To have a better life, usually you have to start with being a better person.
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Thank you both, Corvus, and Sir Edward for your advice and kind words.
the guy who will ultimately help you the most will be the fella you see every morning in the mirror.
re-QFT because that definitely deserves it. In 2008, after being discharged I was going through a rough spot. I met someone named Tom, who told me to chase my dreams. I'm glad I followed his advice and I've been doing that ever since. My family, namely my parents, wanted me to play it safe, because they followed their dreams and got burned for numerous reasons, partially I believe, because their dreams involved money as the primary goal, cause and objective. I'm now partially supporting them, happily, and they definitely have had a change of thought so to speak.
I've always held myself accountable, according to some, I hold myself accountable too harshly. It's been interesting to chase new dreams because since I can remember I wanted to serve in the military. Calling what I'm in now a "semi-retirement" definitely has helped me move forward, now having my lady and her daughter, things couldn't be better. We don't have everything, but we're comfy and happy. That to me is the most important.
As for following my dreams, I'm independent again, living in the state I love, in the county I love, starting a business, and enjoying experimental archaeology with some of the coolest people I've had the pleasure to meet, both online and in person. So yeah, I'd say I'm doing alright now.
And thanks again Corvus. It's nice to hear someone else say what I've started to feel. I have plenty of wounds, most hidden, some obvious. It's nice to hear someone else (especially someone trained) telling me I'm making progress. It's a long road, but one worth traveling.
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Just keep on truckin, brother. You will make 'er through okay.
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Patricuis: Your testimony is amazing and it gives proof of the humanity of our Armed Forces and what I can say is nothing more than a salute to you and your service to this country.
It just goes to show, that on the surface, you never really know what people have endured, or are enduring. Everyone has their demons, their past, and their current challenges. Sometimes hitting rock bottom is exactly what is needed in order to bounce back up, and find your way.
Hear! Hear! Hear!
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Many thanks Joshua. Ian currently serves as one of our "symbols of hope and home," Sir Brian, Thorsteinn and others served as well. Personally believe those that succeed, let alone survive in the military environment usually are those that personify "Chivalry."
I attribute all of my successes to those before me, using their abilities, talents, and skills as a guiding light for my own goals. It's taken me almost five years to adjust to being out of the military, and I'm still getting used to it.
YIS
B. Patricius
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Many thanks Joshua. Ian currently serves as one of our "symbols of hope and home," Sir Brian, Thorsteinn and others served as well. Personally believe those that succeed, let alone survive in the military environment usually are those that personify "Chivalry."
I attribute all of my successes to those before me, using their abilities, talents, and skills as a guiding light for my own goals. It's taken me almost five years to adjust to being out of the military, and I'm still getting used to it.
YIS
B. Patricius
Brother Patricius, your words reflect a deep humility and I must say that I find that inspiring. In today's day and age there seems to be so much arrogance, greed and general blindness in so many people. It is good to see that there are those (such as yourself and the many hale others here) who know that next to truth, humility is at the root of the knightly tree.
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Indeed I am aware of most of our Brethren having or have served in the Armed Forces. Which adds further gleam to this shining beacon of Honor known as the Order of the Marshal. In which I am honored to know all of you.
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I have always had an interest in medieval times and knighthood. I always loved it when my family would take me to Medieval Times Dinner and Show. Seeing all of the knights compete in games and clash in battle, examining all of the medieval weapons and armor that they had on display, it was always a magical experience for me. The defining moment for me, when I knew that I wanted to be a knight someday, was after I enlisted into the military, I had the honor of witnessing a fellow service member be knighted and inducted into the order of St. George. At that moment, I knew that at some point in the future, I wanted to become a knight.