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Author Topic: What was your "defining moment" that drew you to knighthood/chivalry?  (Read 26642 times)

Corvus

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You are most welcome, Joshua. I was pleased to share my tale here
“Gæð a wyrd swa hio scel.”    - Beowulf

B. Patricius

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My "defining moment."

Hmm, that is a hard one.  I've always felt that regardless of the risk, the hardships, or the trials, the right path, is the ONLY path.  And I've always tried to follow that path with my heart set in that direction.

However, in 2010, I lost my way.  You see, I'm a veteran, as most of you now know, and as a veteran, Honorably discharged, medically, it's hard.  I joined the US Coast Guard, for all the right reasons.  My friends growing up, they chose their branches of service as well.  All eight of us signed up, before 9/11.  I was the last to take the oath, January 2002.  I hurt my back in high school, and so they didn't feel I physically capable.  I had to get a waiver to join.  So while my friends deployed or were training to deploy, I went to college and got in the best shape I could for the trials ahead.  We all joked about how I played trumpet, and how it was a good thing that I was joining the US Coast Guard so, in theory, I would last the longest and be able to have the honor of playing TAPS at their funerals.

I just never expected it to happen so soon.

I'm the only one left, lost my last friend of that group in 2010.  Seven friends, seven flags, seven times playing TAPS.  The seven of my friends, have all passed away, either in combat, or at home doing stupid things (as is sad a lot of veterans do). 

Luckily one friend, I met in the US Navy Sea Cadets, is still doing fine as of exactly right now.  He's a SEAL, and continually keeps our enemies awake at night.  The only way I'll go to a high school reunion, is if he tells me he can make it for once.

Survivor's guilt, PTSD, all of it is not pretty.  I lost another friend, a Coastie, in 2010 as well.  Before I knew it, I needed my "friend" Jack and coke.  Then only Jack.  That slippery slope lead to me, facing my gun, contemplating the trigger pull.  One of my friends, a Recon Marine, with 60% of his right leg a cadaver suture (which is EPICALLY cool btw what we can do now), saved my life, and got me the help I needed.

While in help.  I met a man with dementia.  When he met me, he was cognitant, and changed my life forever.  He said, "Look, we all do what we can, how we can, when we can.  No more, no less.  You served, I served.  WE are both brothers.  Doesn't matter what branch, and I know you have more past than what you let on with "I'm just a puddle pirate" cover.  We all give our 110.  Right now, what is your 110? Not a year ago, not five years ago.  What is it NOW?  THAT is the best you can possibly be.  And I'm proud to call you my brother."  He shocked my world.  He was one of the founders I found out of the SEALs back in WWII/Korea.  You'd never meet a gentler soul, who constantly flirted with all the aids, nuns, and nurses that ever went by him. 

So, I give my 110%.  Right now, that's babysitting a two-year-old, probably the best anti-PTSD assistant I could ever hope for.  Her mother, was knocked up by a POS, who wished for an abortion.  I was the only one who helped her on her way.  I was adopted.  I just wanted her to keep the child to term.  She kept Kira, got over the POS that cheated, drank, did drugs (thankfully after conceiving the half-pint!) and is scarily aggressive-possessive.  She's my lady now, her and her mother  ;)  and now, I give 110% to both of them.  Meg works full time, so therefore, I watch Kira, get my VA money, and we're content.  We're not where we want to be, but we're ok. 

It's the best I can do.  My 110% right now, each and every day.  My friends, sacrificed so that we, myself now included, don't have to.  Now I live for them, and for half-pint and her mother.    What defining moment drew me to knighthood and chivalry?  I've had the honor of having plenty, and I've tried 110% most of them, and have continually strove to stay on the path.

And as Corvus said here:

 There is no shame but indeed great honor in being the one to raise children at home. This is the 21st century; men do it all the time and I have too. Why should the ladies get all the fun?  ;)

Brother Acquinas, once told me, "when everything is as it should be, everything seems to be going your way, then you are on the path wished for you, regardless of how you may feel selfishly."

so I'd have to say right now, the most "defining moment" that I am still on the path, was right here on these forums.  I'm honored to be here.

fair winds, and following seas
Pat USCG - ret
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Sir Edward

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Thank you very much for your story. It just goes to show, that on the surface, you never really know what people have endured, or are enduring. Everyone has their demons, their past, and their current challenges. Sometimes hitting rock bottom is exactly what is needed in order to bounce back up, and find your way.
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Corvus

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Powerful words, Brother Patricius.

You honor us by sharing.

Strength comes in many forms and you display a deep strength indeed.
“Gæð a wyrd swa hio scel.”    - Beowulf

B. Patricius

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Thank you both, so much.  I think it's taken this long to finally start talking about all I've gone through.  And luckily I have a couple friends (which a couple I can forever depend on, is better than however many on "book of faces") that I can trust to have really opened up to.  And man, oh man, I know I rocked their worlds a bit.  But they're still here.  Who knows, maybe the "quack" was right and "in time, you'll be able to accept, talk, and then move on." 

here's hoping the "move on" part is forthcoming.

YIS
B. Patricius
"Be open with your thoughts, Be witty with your humor, Be kind with your words, Be sensible in your acts." - Lord Dane
Never theorize before you have data. Invariably, you end up twisting facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.
~Officium-Honestas-Sacrificium~
my facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/murphy.patrick.j

Corvus

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Brother Patricius:

 I have been through some brutal life changing times myself, including liquor at one stage too. I will say one thing though: In my experience, while other folks can be of great support and help, the guy who will ultimately help you the most will be the fella you see every morning in the mirror. Sounds to me (a person trained in counselling by the way) that you have made great inroads to being that friend to yourself.
“Gæð a wyrd swa hio scel.”    - Beowulf

Sir Edward

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the guy who will ultimately help you the most will be the fella you see every morning in the mirror.

QFT. It's a hard lesson to learn, but the one who can make all the difference in your life is yourself. The world around us is all about what we perceive and what we do. To have a better life, usually you have to start with being a better person.
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B. Patricius

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Thank you both, Corvus, and Sir Edward for your advice and kind words.
the guy who will ultimately help you the most will be the fella you see every morning in the mirror.

re-QFT because that definitely deserves it.  In 2008, after being discharged I was going through a rough spot.  I met someone named Tom, who told me to chase my dreams.  I'm glad I followed his advice and I've been doing that ever since.  My family, namely my parents, wanted me to play it safe, because they followed their dreams and got burned for numerous reasons, partially I believe, because their dreams involved money as the primary goal, cause and objective.  I'm now partially supporting them, happily, and they definitely have had a change of thought so to speak. 

I've always held myself accountable, according to some, I hold myself accountable too harshly.  It's been interesting to chase new dreams because since I can remember I wanted to serve in the military.  Calling what I'm in now a "semi-retirement" definitely has helped me move forward, now having my lady and her daughter, things couldn't be better.  We don't have everything, but we're comfy and happy.  That to me is the most important.

As for following my dreams, I'm independent again, living in the state I love, in the county I love, starting a business, and enjoying experimental archaeology with some of the coolest people I've had the pleasure to meet, both online and in person.  So yeah, I'd say I'm doing alright now.

And thanks again Corvus.  It's nice to hear someone else say what I've started to feel.  I have plenty of wounds, most hidden, some obvious.  It's nice to hear someone else (especially someone trained) telling me I'm making progress.  It's a long road, but one worth traveling.
"Be open with your thoughts, Be witty with your humor, Be kind with your words, Be sensible in your acts." - Lord Dane
Never theorize before you have data. Invariably, you end up twisting facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.
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Corvus

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Just keep on truckin, brother. You will make 'er through okay.
“Gæð a wyrd swa hio scel.”    - Beowulf

Joshua Santana

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Patricuis:  Your testimony is amazing and it gives proof of the humanity of our Armed Forces and what I can say is nothing more than a salute to you and your service to this country.

Quote
It just goes to show, that on the surface, you never really know what people have endured, or are enduring. Everyone has their demons, their past, and their current challenges. Sometimes hitting rock bottom is exactly what is needed in order to bounce back up, and find your way.

Hear! Hear! Hear!
Knight of The Lion Blade

Honora gladium meum, veritas mea, et SpirĂ­tui Sancto.  כדי לכבד המגן שלי, האמת שלי חרבי

Honor My Sword, Truth My Shield.

B. Patricius

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Many thanks Joshua.  Ian currently serves as one of our "symbols of hope and home," Sir Brian, Thorsteinn and others served as well.  Personally believe those that succeed, let alone survive in the military environment usually are those that personify "Chivalry." 

I attribute all of my successes to those before me, using their abilities, talents, and skills as a guiding light for my own goals.  It's taken me almost five years to adjust to being out of the military, and I'm still getting used to it. 

YIS
B. Patricius
"Be open with your thoughts, Be witty with your humor, Be kind with your words, Be sensible in your acts." - Lord Dane
Never theorize before you have data. Invariably, you end up twisting facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.
~Officium-Honestas-Sacrificium~
my facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/murphy.patrick.j

Corvus

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Many thanks Joshua.  Ian currently serves as one of our "symbols of hope and home," Sir Brian, Thorsteinn and others served as well.  Personally believe those that succeed, let alone survive in the military environment usually are those that personify "Chivalry." 

I attribute all of my successes to those before me, using their abilities, talents, and skills as a guiding light for my own goals.  It's taken me almost five years to adjust to being out of the military, and I'm still getting used to it. 

YIS
B. Patricius

Brother Patricius, your words reflect a deep humility and I must say that I find that inspiring. In today's day and age there seems to be so much arrogance, greed and general blindness in so many people. It is good to see that there are those (such as yourself and the many hale others here) who know that next to truth, humility is at the root of the knightly tree.
“Gæð a wyrd swa hio scel.”    - Beowulf

Joshua Santana

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Indeed I am aware of most of our Brethren having or have served in the Armed Forces.  Which adds further gleam to this shining beacon of Honor known as the Order of the Marshal.  In which I am honored to know all of you.
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Honora gladium meum, veritas mea, et SpirĂ­tui Sancto.  כדי לכבד המגן שלי, האמת שלי חרבי

Honor My Sword, Truth My Shield.

Justin

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I have always had an interest in medieval times and knighthood. I always loved it when my family would take me to Medieval Times Dinner and Show. Seeing all of the knights compete in games and clash in battle, examining all of the medieval weapons and armor that they had on display, it was always a magical experience for me. The defining moment for me, when I knew that I wanted to be a knight someday, was after I enlisted into the military, I had the honor of witnessing a fellow service member be knighted and inducted into the order of St. George. At that moment, I knew that at some point in the future, I wanted to become a knight.
Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is a wrong left unredressed on earth.